Big Red chills out.

Nimble Grimble here! How did I get roped into doing this slot again so soon? Wasn't I here only nine months ago? Never mind, I've a few minutes to spare, so here goes! I hope you're all sitting comfortably . . . It's that time of year again, I'm afraid - the birds are singing and nesting, the bees are buzzing and the nettles are stinging, trees budding and flowers blooming! So, last weekend, no doubt with many others, I took it upon myself to tidy my garden - starting, foolishly, with the shed - the 6 by 4 foot hideaway that has adorned my garden for the past ten years! Originally green, it now has patches of brown and moss which should make it difficult for anyone to spot from the air, should they wish to drop bombs on me from a great height! When first erected, the shed provided sufficient space for me to house my tools and other odds and ends. Then Styra discovered it, which proves the camouflage wasn't effective enough. It would appear after 15 years of living in The Garden, that 90 per cent of a leprechaun's possessions are of no use whatsoever, and there is no point in anyone keeping them. Having decided that, all that remains is for Styra to put them, preferably, where no one will ever see them again! You know the type of things that we leprechauns find useful and worth saving - plastic plant pots, old calenders, rusty bike frames, sets of spanners, paint brushes that could, one day, be cleaned and used again! To us they are treasured heirlooms, to a female alien they are just things that should not exist in an ordinary household. So, along with all the other wonderful memorabilia that clutter my bed side table, things are tossed, literally, into the handiest space - the shed. It is a mystery why leprechauns collect so many artefacts, or why we guard them so jealously - but we do, and we expect others to respect this. Making us discard them, or worse, throwing them out when we are not around to defend them, hurts! Styra, for example, collects newspapers and magazines - she has women's mags going back to the year she was born. Woe betide me if I even so much as read one! Anything lying around the house or garden that Styra deems to be 'useless' gets thrown out or taken down the tip. And Quar asks 'Why don't you put your feet up and have a kip in the sun?' - you must be joking! Oh well, it could be worse . . . at least I've got somewhere to hide from Skoros. Have a good month . . . see you again soon! . . . more from Over the Wall next month!

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